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Laneway Festival Brisvegas Edition

A festival in review...

The day started out with a spot of Big Day Out reminiscing, thinking of Bluejuice as I ran to the train with my still 'Broken Leg'. Destination- The Valley, or as it used to be known when I was a kid, China Town. After visiting The RG (where the same old dude from when I was a kid was guarding the door, and coincidently, the Coopers tasted like it was brewed in 1994, urrggh) and a quick stop by the Jubilee, it was time to join the entrance queue. The Laneway Festival promoters had some interesting ideas, first of which was allowing the bands to start playing before they opened the gates to punters. Genius!

I swiftly made my way to the Car Park stage to check the scene, and feeling rather sorry for Black Gold, I watched the first part of their set. It wasn’t that they lacked ability, it’s just the sum total of the audience was nine- five police officers, two guys in the mixing tent, one security guard and myself. They told me that they were from Brooklyn, and I told them I was from the Gold Coast. Judging by their accents, it was Brooklyn USA, not Brooklyn New South Wales. But in any case, they travelled further to be there than myself.

Once some more punters took pity on the residents of the far stage, I snuck off mid-song to witness Last Dinosaur. Being a Friday afternoon festival, these lads had better get mum to write them a note to take to school on Monday. Despite being of a Lemon Ruski drinking age, they do quite a commendable job.

As is typical of many music festivals in this part of the universe, a standard Brisbane thunderstorm rolled on in. Of course the only safe/dry place to stand was right under a massive tree, and you know it makes sense… Deciding an actual roof was a safer option I moved inside, fully intending to see Hockey. Unfortunately I didn't last long there due to the roadies continual piss-farting about with the equipment, well and truly after the advertised kick off time. I believe that is one of the attractions of festival gigs- you play with what you are given. If you were supposed to play the guitar and wind up with a ukulele, big deal, ad lib for a while. You're likely to play some bung notes anyways.

Whitley however had his A-game on from the outset, even if he looks a bit like Adam Brand from a distance. Banter wise, he was delivering the goods too, “…I’m not as fat as Alex Lloyd” and “…I’m not as annoying as Ben Lee.” Useful information that. As the storm kicked off in earnest, punters at Wild Beast would have copped a deadset soaking on the outside stage, unlucky for being popular I guess.

I think a lot of good things come out of Townsville. The North Queensland Cowboys for one, and also the access road that leads into the Coral Sea and to the Townsville Casino is another. But probably best of all is the Middle East. They were once again in fine form, and was I reading that they are ranked as the next big thing? Possibly, but they need a bit of main stream stuff to entertain a wider variety of punters with. I do love a chorus that you can hum along to because there are no words, and ‘Blood’ does that job nicely. Being a seven piece, they almost require a conductor, and dare I say, financially it would be much less rewarding than being in a two-piece outfit. Profit share, people!

….And who exactly needs five extra members (or roadies for that matter) when you can be in Philadelphia Grand Jury. The lads (as well as a ring-in on drums) tune their own instruments, mix their own drinks, and dead set go off! They rock out harder than the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Foo Fighters and Led Zepplin combined. Point in case being ‘I Don’t Want to Party’- Berkfinger swallows the microphone, then there is a spot of keyboard being played by arse, MC Bad Genius made sweet love to the front row inhabitants, and there was a four-minute drum solo. Wow.

Timing allowed me to run off and catch the end of Mumford and Sons, you know, maybe to see the song that won some popularity contest earlier in the week. Well… apparently they played their popular song first, I mean who does that these days? Perhaps it was the lingering awesomeness of the Philly Jays, but Mumford sounds like a cat being run over by a steamroller. A lout on the train going home (and it definitely wasn’t me) suggested that they are destined to be one hit wonders. And there is nothing sadder than that, is there?

Best audience call all day- “Sarah Blasko, you’re the best sort ever… except for my girlfriend”. I recently said Sarah floats my boat, and if my boat were the Titanic, it would have never sunk in the first place. I think her performance at Sunset Sounds was far superior, perhaps it was the sound quality, the crowd, the time of day, but most likely the song selection, overlooking classics at a festival is not a quality call. Oh well, at least she still had Jesus Christ from Family Guy playing the keys.

No denying it, The Very Best have an awesome band name. If I had a band, it would be ‘Certified Number Ones’, and our first album would be ‘Certified Number Ones- Greatest Hits 1981 til Now’. Needless to say, I have seen better acts than The Very Best, possibly even Mumford and Sons would be one. I however really quite enjoyed the Dirty Three. Think an intense, heavy, blokey version of girl group Bond. Seriously, good one.

I know I have given gingers (pronounced ging-ers) a hard time of late, but I think I would allow Florence Welch to set my bed on fire anytime (providing Sarah Blasko wasn’t in the bed at the time). Florence is dead set the reddest haired person I have ever seen, and yet she complains that she doesn’t have a tan yet. Hot tip- don’t try to get one. Another point of interest- if she is six-foot tall, five-foot-eight-inches of her total height would be made up of legs. My Lord. As for Florence and the Machine, I feel that the Machine is just along for the ride, as it is all Florence, what a voice, and don’t the punters just love it? Walking out past N.A.S.A. and their assembled crowd of 30 diehards reminds you of how good Florence is.

Continued on the next page, otherwise (13 to go)